Relationships are a tricky obstacle course to navigate. Knowing when to share your feelings and disappointments, when to share your hurts and fears. Women always want the man to understand how they feel. Men wear a facade as if they don’t have feelings or don’t care.
When the relationship is new it is not difficult to get past any of these emotions, you are to busy enjoying the newness of the relationship. It’s all about playing and laughing and enjoying each other.
It is as the relationship matures that you have to learn to grow with the relationship. Everything must change and so does your relationship as you move forward. The key is in knowing how to navigate through your own feelings and when the timing is right to share them or not.
Men tend to internalize their deepest emotions. Somehow they feel women should simply know how they feel about them. Women want the man to hear them express their emotions verbally and share in conversation about the relationship, which makes them feel secure.
It’s tricky business because as time marches forward the man feels the women should know he is there for her just by his presence. He feels little need to reassure her with flowers and verbal insurances of I love you. Women begin to feel neglected and hurt and begin the probing questions which can lead to arguments as both feel they are not being understood.
So how do you balance it? How do you share your inner most fears, concerns and hurts without upsetting the relationship.
First of all, if you continue to practice keeping the relationship fresh and new daily then there is little to discuss. Both parties feel light and free in the relationship and comfortable that they are understood.
Second, stop taking everything personal. Because one person doesn’t say I love you very often, maybe they are sharing it in other ways. Bringing you a candy bar, washing your back when you bath. Fixing you a warm cup of cocoa or rubbing your feet together while you watch TV.
Third, begin to focus on your own internal feelings and what you are learning from the situation. What are you learning about you? Are you in control of your emotions? Are you in control of your thoughts? Or have you allowed the relationship to become your being? Relationships do not define who we are; they are designed for three specific purposes; to heal, to learn, to love. Some relationships may only serve us for one or two of these. Once we have gotten what we need from this relationship it may signal the end of the one we are currently experiencing unless we are willing to work together to move to another level in the relationship.
Many people come into a relationship expecting the relationship to make them whole. We must understand that we were already whole from the beginning. We simply feel we are not due to some unforeseen experience in our past. This is a fracture in our own psyche. The relationship can serve us well to grow past this fracture as we come into new understandings of self.
We burden our relationship by expecting the other person to fulfill us. Only we can fulfill ourselves. It is a choice to be happy or sad. It is a choice to be in love or not. It is a choice to forgive or not. It is a choice to let the person you choose to love experience their life’s journey as you experience yours.
The key in all of this is balance. Balance within equates to balance in our relationships. The ultimate relationship is the relationship with self. The more you love yourself, respect your own thoughts and feelings and heal yourself within, the easier it is to love and be loved by others as you attract more of the self love you have for yourself to yourself.
It’s all a balancing act. Balance your strengths, heal your heart and live your relationship one day at a time. The person you love is supposed to be your best friend. If you operate as a friend you will gain a friend. Friends don’t ride each other about little things, they don’t expect to be told I love you every moment of the day and they give each other enough space to experience life individually even when they hang out a lot.
Clean out your heart and empty the trash, patch the holes yourself and practice loving yourself more and more each day and your best friend will love you more for it.