We are all naturally intuitive. When we sense that things are OK, they generally are. When we sense they are not, they generally are not. Why is that when we intuitively sense something is not right in a relationship we ignore the red flags hoping we can change the other person or the situation. We allow it to continue forward thinking we can control the outcome as the issue continues to escalate and the red flag gives over to a big red stop sign.
But somehow we still feel we can control, fix, or change it and we continue forward until we are totally out of orbit. Now we have gotten ourselves into a real issue because we did not heed the warnings that we intuitively knew were leading us directly to the outcome that came about.
“It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with us. IT DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER.” ~Melody Beattie, Codependent No More
When we are so busy thinking we can change someone else or convince them that we have the right answers, can be there, can prove to or trust them more, we play into a self-defeating game of codependency.
When we believe that we can give someone a certain quality that no one has ever given them before, love them, trust them, be there for them, or even that they are not capable of love because they never have been loved before, is a warning sign that we are headed in the wrong direction. These are the first red flags that go up. They are our own thoughts that say I can fix that person if I only do such and such… We intuitively know we can’t, but we still try to.
This intuitive knowing that we can’t or that there is something wrong is the red flag waving high in the wind. In ignoring it, the other person’s behavior still continues on the same track no matter how much you have given or attempted to prove. This is the red light! Again, these warning signs signaling you are going in the wrong direction.
When we ignore the warning signs, and disobey them there are consequences and this is when we find ourselves out of orbit. We are totally out of the orbit of the natural flow of Universal Harmony and Correspondence. We are no longer receiving that which we invested in to receive in the relationship or the situation because we have elected to not follow or heed the warning signs. If we avoid the red flags and run the red light, then there is nothing left but to fully experience the pain that will result from the collision.
Believing that we are the one that will somehow make a difference in someone’s L.I.F.E. means we have some issues we need to resolve within. We are not seeing the full picture clearly. We are not seeing that something is really going on within us that needs to be addressed. We are engaged in self-defeating codependent behavior that will continue to set us up for failure. We are not responsible for ourselves and reek of victimization, because each person must do his or her own work to love themselves and come into their own enlightenment in their own timing. We cannot force that change upon them, we can only work on ourselves.
While it may be true that we see potential in a person they may not see in themselves. We cannot mold it and push them to operate in it. They must be freely engaged in their own development process, and we must be engaged in our own. Stop being the rescuer and begin investing time in saving yourself first. You are not here to prove you are the right one to anyone. If you are out to prove to a person that you are the best thing that ever happened to them, it may be time for you to stop and see if they’re the best thing that has ever happened to you.
You are not here to be someone’s guardian angel, or to fix them and resolve their issues. You are here to work on yourself to come into your own POWER and in doing so you will need to take heed to all the warning signs; the red flags and stop signs that intuitively tell you a direction is dangerous. Once you do, you will attract healthy people that are developing in their own potential that mirror your own development, and you will begin creating healthy and rewarding relationships.