Defeat Repeat - Dr. Diva Verdun

Overcoming Defeat Repeat

We get into a cycle of thinking we have to prove to other people how wonderful, faithful, loving and committed we are or show them how much they have hurt us. However, attempting to get them to understand us and acknowledge our hurts or efforts is a self-defeating behavior pattern that we continue to repeat, thinking that is will eventually bring us the reward we are invested in.  Unfortunately, there is no reward in using our POWER to control other people.  There is no POWER when you do not believe and love yourself enough to know you are already worthy of love.  There is nothing to acknowledge or prove.

There is no POWER in attempting to control the other person into understanding that they hurt us or how we feel about them.  People are absorbed in their own minds and will not change to accommodate you. So attempting to prove how much you love someone so they can see you as the jewel they must have in their experience or arguing your point to get someone to understand they hurt you, is a capital investment in defeat repeat. This is defeatist behavior that never brings the result you truly desire, because you have not stopped to invest time to gain the lesson from this experience.

Defeat repeat is a dysfunctional system based on denial in thinking that we can somehow force a particular outcome based on certain behaviors targeted at either proving or defending ourselves.  The effort that we have extended to try to prove to someone we are worthy or good enough or to get someone to understand they hurt us only brings us more despair.  We have not proved to ourselves that we are worthy or good enough or taken the time to go within to ponder the reasons we hurt.

Remember, pain is an indicator that we are going the wrong way.  It means stop and take notice something is wrong.  If you cut your finger the pain tells you to stop hurting yourself.  So why is that in relationships we get hurt and we continue to move forward thinking we can change the situation through our own will or force?  When we deny the pain and the warning it heeds we are continuing to cut into our own flesh.  We are cutting off our own finger and blaming the other person for the self-inflicted pain.Defeated and going in circles - Dr. Diva Verdun

Repeating defeatist behavior patterns to gain recognition and love only result in more misery and pain. The only way to move forward and out of the pain is to stop cutting the finger, to take notice that we are inflicting injury on ourselves.  Once we determine to wake up into the reality of our situation we then can stop the immediate pain and begin the healing process.  Once we begin to recognize we are in a dysfunctional process we can begin to work through our issues because we have now turned our attention within.  We begin to realize that we don’t have to hurt because we are misunderstood, or attempt to control what or how the other person is thinking and what they are doing because they are victimizing us.

We grow into the full understanding that everything we experience is always guiding us back to the truth of our own BEINGness if we will but sit and contemplate the message that is coded into the pain.  We sit still and do the necessary work to develop thick skin so that we are not so sensitive to things others are doing and saying.  We allow other people to have their experience knowing that they cannot think for us nor do they have to be like us.  We are all very unique and individual BEINGS and equally worthy to live the promise.

In overcoming defeat repeat we no longer are vested in the negative thoughts that have left us believing we are not good enough or worthy enough.  We are no longer vested in the thought that we have to prove we love others, because we know love is constant throughout the Universe.  We no longer are vested in getting someone to understand how we feel, because we have done the necessary mental surgery to discover what we really do feel and what we must do to heal our own wounds.

No one can do the healing for you. If you cut your finger, only you can heal it. The wound can be bandaged by someone else, but only you can do the healing. Healing is a do-it-yourself project.  No amount of attempting to prove or get others to understand you will force forgiveness or healing.  You do not have to sacrifice who you are to gain acknowledgement or be recognized. Your healing comes from within you and is magnified when you work to love yourself first and allow everyone else the space they need to grow into their own understanding.

Attempting to control other people so that you can have the acknowledgement and recognition or love you want only works the opposite and keeps you grounded in a cycle, repeating the same defeatist behavior. Literally everything that happens to you, or that you go through, both good and bad, is there to assist you in the development of your own character.

All your experiences groom you into the fullness of living your L.I.F.E. as the POWER that you are.  While others may have hurt us, or don’t understand us, we are only here to really understand the full magnitude of self.

You are already worthy of everything, and no one needs to understand you but you.  No one can resolve the issues within, but you. It is not about proving anything to anyone. Our relationships with others are not added to our experience, they are an extension of our experience.



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