What's Good About Bad and Destructive Relationships - Dr. Diva Verdun

Getting Good Out of Bad Relationships

Relationships can be a complex weave of feelings and emotions both individuals bring together in a tangled mix of pain, shame, baggage and codependency, dragged in from past experiences as they seek solace and healing in the new experience.  The complexity of combining what each person feels they need or feel they are not getting can become as difficult as untangling several strings of Christmas Lights.  It may be filled with hostile frustration that may make one more willing to string the lights around a person’s neck rather than string them on the tree.

What's Good About Bad and Destructive Relationships - Dr. Diva VerdunVictimization issues, childhood trauma, wounded and broken hearts, and denial all add to our martyr syndrome and codependency issues where one may suffer through the distress of a relationship that doesn’t work or worse may be totally destructive. The idea that the love you may have for the other person, or feel may be resident in the relationship will automatically heal the hole in your own soul is a fantasy.

Without realization and awareness of your own issues, the driving need to heal the hole in your soul will culminate in control and victimization tactics constructed to extract a safety net that feeds helplessness, feelings of not being loved, deserving or worthy, the need for financial support, irresponsibility or worse the need to feel superior over another person because of your own low self-esteem issues. This is the weakest foundation to begin to build any relationship.

When you feel you are not being recognized in a relationship, it is because you do not recognize yourself.  When you feel you are not being loved in a relationship, it is because you do not love yourself.  When you feel you are being used or mistreated in a relationship, it is because you are giving with the intention to control the outcome.  When you fill you are giving more than you are receiving, it is because you are codependent and willing to invest more into someone else than you are willing to invest into yourself.

Bad and destructive relationships are mirrors of who you are.  This is a very difficult thing to face. What you are experiencing in the relationship is part of the growth that is necessary for you to find love within self. These type relationships are filled with so much pain and held together by the shame you feel because you are not willing to face yourself. It is always easier to simply point all the blame to someone else, leaving you as the victim or martyr in the relationship that no one seems to understand or love, when in truth you do not understand or love yourself.

If you have suffered from childhood trauma, a broken heart or betrayal and abandonment, these are all issues that you must go deeply within to find the necessary answers to resolve.  Looking for the answers in the relationship will only lead to more distress that continues to feed the existing problem resulting in numerous failed or troubled relationships.  This is because you are bond by Universal Law and it is always done unto you as you believe.  Thus, the Universe has no choice but to continue to fulfill the same prescription you give it, generating the same exact experience with different people, until you become aware of your own internal programming that has set your belief system calling upon Universal Law to manifest exactly what you believe.

What's Good About Bad and Destructive Relationships - Dr. Diva VerdunBad and Destructive relationships can bring you into your good if you see them as tools that refine you into discovering more about Yourself.  They can become the catalyst that brings you into the most rewarding relationship that you will ever experience and that is the relationship with self first.  As you stop pointing the blame at the other person and begin to focus on yourself you will begin to process the sting from the negative experiences in these relationships. You then will be able to extract the vital and key information necessary to point you to your own character flaws and issues, which may be buried so deep within you that you are not even aware that they are there.

It is in learning to face yourself that you begin to understand that the inner child is scared and afraid and is depending on YOU, not the relationship to rescue them from the darkness within.  Only YOU can do this.  As you continue to contemplate the lessons from these relationships and begin to forgive yourself and others you begin to grow in deep unconditional love of self without belittling and picking yourself apart.  You see your inner child and face the fear and go within to protect her/him and assure them that you are there to take care of them.  You assure them that they are no longer victimized by the darkness, no longer alone or abandoned or abused and that you are there to protect them from all harm.  You begin to release the pain that has enslaved you and walled you in from having the full openness to fully experience love or take responsibility for yourself.  You begin to see that it is not about anyone recognizing who you are, loving you or healing your hurts, it is fully and totally about you standing in the fullness of your own POWER to know that you are perfect, whole and complete wanting nothing.

Bad and destructive relationships you call into your own experience through your lack of realizing your own bad and destructive relationship with yourself.  You are looking for someone or something to fix you and restore you, but no one can do this for you but you.  Once you come into the realization that you have the full POWER of LOVE within you that restores your emotional, mental and physical health, you begin to invest this POWER into your own healing and miraculously you begin to restore your relationships with others and attract POWERful Loving and Healthy relationships into your experience.



Click here for a prayer treatment to heal and restore your relationship with self to resolve your hurts, pain and shame from bad and destructive relationships and clear your space to attract more love into your L.I.F.E.


4 thoughts on “Getting Good Out of Bad Relationships

  1. I think saying that feeling lost, or abused in a relationship is your fault is an extremely ignorant thing to say. You say destructive relationships are mirrors. They are not. I hope for god’s sake you gain some perspective, and realise that people are manhandled and forced and manipulated into feeling these things by their partner, for power or control or some sadistic need to inflict hurt. Please. This is incredibly distressing to victims, who already believe that they are to blame. Don’t make it worse.

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