Stop Overcompensating Your Relationship

Stop Overcompensating Your Relationship - Dr. Diva Verdun

Overcompensating to make or force a relationship to work is exhausting.  One person is generally doing all the work to make the relationship work, while the other may be unavailable or refuses to participate in building a bonding and meaningful experience.  However, working so hard and taking all the burden upon yourself to make a relationship work may mean you don’t really have a relationship.  You may be living a fantasy that you are attempting to force the other person to fit into.

Doing all the work in a relationship is grossly out of balance and creates exhaustion and frustration in the quest for love. It means giving in to many things that you normally would not give in to or doing things you normally would not do because you have hopes that you can barter your way into having the other person love you.  This is not love. It is a self-defeating behavior that ends in a broken heart and dashed dreams.

Stop Overcompensating Your Relationship - Dr. Diva VerdunOvercompensating to make a relationship work only creates the illusion of a relationship in the mind of the person that is doing the overcompensation.  Enabling the other person gives them the approval to be irresponsible for their share of the work to build the relationship and the freedom to enjoy all the privileges granted without having to make any commitments to the relationship leaving the partner that has worked so hard to build it feeling victimized.

In all relationships there are times when one person may carry the weight for both partners, but these temporary periods are not the normal practice in the long run.  They are periods where one partner is committed to doing their share, but due to some other trauma may be temporarily unavailable emotionally.  This is not the permanent structure of a healthy relationship.

Doing all the work to build the relationship will leave you feeling tired, worn out, needy, feeling used and angry.  If the relationship is solid it will find its own level when you relax and let it simply be what it is. If the relationship is meant to be then everything will balance itself out as you stand on your boundaries to be who you are and allow the other person to step forward to choose how they want to share equally in the relationship.

Being the savior/rescuer and caretaker in the relationship means you are always the one carrying all the weight to make the relationship work and tending to the needs of the other person in an attempt to control the process. Relax and let it go.  Let it be what it is and stop worrying about making it something it may not be. If it is for you it will work, and if not, let it pass because what is yours is perfectly on its way to you once you get rid of the dead weight in your experience.



Click here for a prayer treatment to stop overcompensating your relationships and let them be.

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