We can get caught up in doing things for other people because we want to help them alleviate their pain and suffering. We see them going through things or in need and we rush to the rescue. Many times we don’t have enough to help ourselves let alone to help others that we care about and love, but we put ourselves at risk because we simply don’t want to see them struggle. So we dig in and do the right thing without ever asking Spirit if putting ourselves at risk to help is truly the right thing to do.
Sadly, many times helping someone we care about or love unfolds into a bigger nightmare as we find ourselves moving through their process with them and we begin to spiral down as well, struggling to keep things together so they can recuperate mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to be strong enough to stand on their own.
Exercising tough love means knowing the difference between doing the right thing and the right thing to do. Doing the right thing is motivated by our compassion and love to not see another person struggle through their pain. However, again like the butterfly struggling to get free of the cocoon, it acquires strength in the struggle to fly. We have to trust that through the apparent struggle they are going through that they are also growing into their own POWER to soar.
The right thing to do vs. doing the right thing in many cases is a very hard decision because it will go against your desire to help someone fix their problems. Unfortunately, many times you end up in codependent situations because you will continue to carry the weight for the person that is struggling as they get comfortable being taken care of and take a time-out from working to solve their own problems. In many cases, this time-out can become a L.I.F.E.time of carrying their weight if you continue to enable them, which keeps them from growing into the fruit of their own POWER to solve their own problems. They literally become dependents as you become the source of rescue and help.
The right thing to do can create many scenarios that are very toxic or detrimental to your own growth as you put your own L.I.F.E. on hold. It is imperative that you become aware of the difference between doing the right thing and the right thing to do through the inclinations that Spirit triggers in your heart when you want to help. Your intuition will tell you when you should say yes or no. Do not ignore it and be prepared for the anger and backlash the results from your answer.
Having the where-with-all to know when you should elect to continue to do things for yourself when others need assistance means being attuned to the flow of Perfect Order and Divine Timing. For example: doing the right thing could be stopping and getting out of your car to help a senior or handicapped person to cross the street, or even drive them to where they are going. However, the right thing to do is to go to your child’s school to pick them up when it is pouring down rain and you are running late when school has been out for half an hour. Choosing to go to the school to take care of your own child would be doing the right thing even though you have compassion for the elderly person crossing the street and know it would be the right thing to do.
You get caught up in doing the right thing with people you are attached to. You want to see them happy. You want to take away the pain. You want to fix their problems for them. However, you are not here to be the rescuer, that is Spirit’s job. You can merely give others a push in the right direction and allow the process to take its course so that Spirit can provide them with the information necessary that helps them to make better choices and decisions as they grow through their process.
The hardest part is practicing tough love because only you know it hurts you more than it does them. You don’t want them to hurt or struggle and they never realize the pain you feel in not being there to personally help because you elected to follow Spirit and let go by doing the right thing in giving them the space to grow.
You have to be strong enough to let a baby cry even though you want to pick them up and hold them, because you know it is good for them to learn to be OK without being in your arms all day long. You have feed them, cleaned them and loved them, so their cry is merely one to prompt you to take action at their demand. The right thing to do would be to pick the baby up because they are obviously wanting to be nurtured. However, you have given the baby all they need and you know you must teach them to be OK when they are not in your arms, which is doing the right thing.
It take strength and courage to move out-of-the-way and allow Spirit to work the perfect work in loved one’s experience. You have to realize that they are Spirit’s baby and Spirit sometimes is letting them cry and whine to teach them how to be independent and learn that they have POWER within and will be OK on their own.
You have to be strong enough to be OK when loved one’s call you names and become very angry with you for not being there to fix their problems. You realize you are simply moving out-of-the-way to allow Spirit to give them what they need to permanently fix the problem over the quick fix you could provide.
Doing the right thing vs. the right thing to do means standing still and letting God. It means you are willing to trust Spirit has it. It is one of the hardest things you can ever do and go through, but in the long run the person will grow by leaps and bounds into their own POWER and will come full circle to forgive you as they begin to stretch out their new wings and fly.