At some point we come into the reality that we are involved with people who make us feel crazy and frustrated because we have given more to them than they are willing to give in return. When we awaken into this reality it is time for us to release them, and accept them as who they are and stop attempting to mold them into something or someone we want them to be. As my mother use to say, “You cannot make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear”, meaning we cannot change anyone to be someone or something that they are not.
You are not here to create both sides of the paradigm for a relationship. Both parties must bring what is necessary to the table for the relationship to thrive. You are living in a destructive system of codependency attempting to force the other person to be a certain way or to love you the way you feel you need to be loved. Letting them go does not mean you do not love them anymore, it means you are working now on loving yourself by releasing the difficult and hopeless scenario.
Difficult people are often linked to codependent ones. Codependent behavior traits bring about so much misery as you continue to love and enable the difficult person thinking you are going to someday be magically fulfilled. Difficult people, just like codependent ones, may not even be consciously aware of the deeper issues, but both people need to re-evaluate their motivations in order to make the necessary changes for a healthy and thriving relationship where both parties are receiving all they need from the relationship without feeling controlled by the other person.
As you begin to loosen the reigns and relax to deal with your own healing, the relationship will take on a new existence as the person will either go away or grow to a point that they feel the relationship is valuable enough to warrant their interest and time. Remember, no one wants to be controlled into being something or someone they are not. Your insistence in having a hand in molding a person into something you dream they should be will always be met with resistance, creating misery in the process for both people.
As you release the person to be who they are and allow the relationship to settle into whatever it is, you will begin to make choices that will improve your emotional health regarding the other person. You will begin to take reality into consideration as you see how their behavior truly affects your emotional state and if the relationship is capable of ever providing you with what you truly desire.
We cannot force a relationship to happen and it should not be a struggle for both parties to feel nurtured in the process. By stepping back and letting go of the reins to control the other person, you are setting up new boundaries and taking your own needs into consideration to begin practicing self-love. You release the person to their own addictions and issues and take your hands off the process, giving yourself back your own freedom because you are no longer obsessed or controlled by the things the other person does or does not do.