Many people have a hard time connecting emotionally. They simply are afraid of intimacy or may not be emotionally capable of being intimately connected to the people they love. There is little you can do to help anyone that is emotionally unavailable, because they must deal with their own pain and barriers so that they can become open again to allow love to flow freely in their experience.
Emotionally unavailable people range from those that are in multiple relationships, to those that are simply fractured and trying to avoid being hurt again, even though they may truly want to be involved with the person they love. You cannot love your way into getting them to open up to you. They have to move through their own fears and pain to be available on their own. Sadly many relationships suffer the consequences, either becoming codependent shells for both people to co-exist or the two separate.
Emotionally unavailable people do not intentionally want to hurt the people they love. In many cases they are not even aware that the things they do hurt others when they do them, because they are simply allowing their natural protective reflexes to control their emotional behaviors. They may have grown up in dysfunctional systems that have taught them that they are supposed to suppress their emotions and find it difficult to know how to deal with their feelings to develop a mutually bonding and loving relationship; even when they are totally in love with the person they are with.
Finding yourself continually attracted to emotionally unavailable people presents a signal, or red flag, that you may have some emotional issues to work on as well. You will find that the excitement of the chase period during dating becomes a game of cat and mouse in an effort to step into a fully loving experience. You may continue to get in one relationship to find yourself in another one, while blaming the other person for not recognizing your feelings. However, by looking at the previous relationships and the people who were not there for you emotionally, you may be able to find the mirror reflection that directs you back to a deeper emotional issue that you may have buried deeply within yourself and be totally unaware of.
To be in healthy and mutually rewarding relationships, we cannot put the blame of failure, lack of intimacy and love on our partners. What we are experiencing in the relationship is exactly what we drew into our experience. The Universe is always manifesting for us what we deeply believe on the deepest level of the subconscious mind. So if we have deep abandonment issues, feelings of not ever being loved or wanted, or have been abused there is a healing process we must embark upon to fix ourselves to clear our own space, so that we can remove the unknown barriers we are putting up in the relationships we attract into our experience.
Healthy and loving relationships are desired by each and every person on the planet. No one wants to be alone, but so many are fractured and suffering and have been living in this pain for so long that they are not even aware that they are on autopilot. The responses to intimacy have become so suppressed that certain behaviors that make one emotionally unavailable are not even evident them. People simply do not see themselves in this equation because they are to busy pointing blame at the other person they feel is not loving them. Attracting emotionally unavailable people into your experience is a direct mirror reflection that points to the pain one must heal within themselves.
The love you seek may be there in a relationship with a person that is emotionally unavailable, but until both people are willing to move past the barriers to address the issues and pain within, there is no bridge for the love you both have for each other to travel. You both are there loving each other, but your fears and pain from the deeply rooted scars of previous heartbreak, disappointments, abandonment, abuse and neglect prevent you both from growing deeper into the intimacy that you both so deeply desire to connect in.
It is not impossible to make an emotionally unavailable relationship work. Both parties must work to improve themselves first without pointing blame to the other person or falling into a codependent relationship by putting their own feelings on hold for the growth of the other. It requires the commitment of both people to go deeper into their own issues and pain to resolve them within themselves individually, while working together to heal and bond their relationship. It can be done!