Experiencing deep emotional pain can make one fearful of their next relationship because you are afraid of going through the pain again. Afraid to love someone who may not love you in return. Afraid you may give so much of yourself that you will end up being used or taken advantage of. This is because emotional pain creates deep fractures, breaks and bleeding wounds that feel as if they will never heal, making new relationships difficult to sustain because of the fear of more potential pain.
Fearing pain means you are fearing living. As a child, if you feared getting a skinned knee, you would never play again. You don’t worry about the knee because it is more important to you to enjoy playing, exploring and having fun. Once you get that band-aid and a hug, you are off to exploration and discovery again. Sadly, as adults we forget that pain simply warns us that we hurt ourselves, and teaches us not to try the crazy stunt we did that caused us to fall and get the skinned knee. We forget that we simply address the wound and get back out there and play, so we decide we need to carry the pain around with us. Thus, instead of playing and enjoying L.I.F.E., we are stuck suffering in the pain we never allowed to heal or took time to learn from.
Emotional pain cannot be buried and left to fester. It will not just go away. It’s like having a deeply inflicted flesh wound that you do not attend to. It will not heal without your attention. It will get infected, fester and get gangrene leading to amputation from lack of care.
You can’t amputate your heart. You have to heal it or drown in the infection of the pain you continue to carry, which will hinder you from ever having a truly loving relationship in the future.
Relationships break down for various reasons, but pointing blame to the other person for the breakdown will not resolve the pain you are suffering from. You may feel betrayed, used, misused, abused, crushed, overwhelmed, abandoned, or even stopped in your own tracks from the pain that has been inflicted upon you by someone you love.
Many want to debate the fact that we actually enter these relationships and draw pain to ourselves. However, in truth on a deeper spiritual level we do. Pain is designed to warn, coach and teach us on a deeper level the full majestic use of our POWER. Thus, by pointing blame at your partner for the hurt and pain they have caused you merely is the pot calling the kettle black on the deeper spiritual level. Relationships provide you a mirror to look deep into to see your own fears, pains and issues that you have hidden so deep within that you may not even be aware that they are there.
Spirit knows the deep emotional pain, the fractures and wounds you suffer from that you continue to ignore. Sadly, you will continue to experience the same scenarios in your relationships until you deal with your deeply rooted emotional issues. Many of these come from childhood trauma, molestation, rape, abandonment, abuse, toxic parents, and sometimes even religious dogma with regards to relationships and sexuality that you may have been taught or experienced as a child.
Childhood emotional trauma creates severely damaged emotional parts of the psyche. These issues get deeply buried because as children we do not know how to process this type of pain. Thus, in order to survive, one had to bury them deep within and pretend they don’t exist, or pretend to be big enough to sustain the pain. Because children do not know how to process emotional trauma, especially from severe issues such as molestation, abuse, rape and abandonment, deep layers of shame and embarrassment and feelings of being unlovable and unworthy become deeply suppressed in the psyche. As a child the only way to process pain becomes to disconnect. Thus, as an adult one will grow up to abort loving relationships when they seemingly get to close to avoid future pain. As adults we continue to play out this same scenario literally self-sabotaging relationships, while blaming all the issues on the other person.
The truth is, all your issues are drawn to the surface through the bad experiences and pain you suffer in your relationships. The pain from these experiences will continue to compound on top of themselves until you become mature enough emotionally and spiritually to see the negative reflections in your relationship mirrors.
Healing your emotional fractures and wounds means you have to look at the mirrors in your relationships very deeply. You must look so deep that you see the mirror of an issue in the other person that you may be suffering from yourself. This is not an easy task because the ego is never wrong. It wants to point blame and broadcast that it is hurting. However, you have to go deep, go past the ego into the pain itself to see the lesson it beholds so you can free yourself from the pain and allow your healing to begin.
You have to face the dragon that you have buried so deeply that you can’t see your own issues. You have to go within and begin to carve out the emotional pain, fear and shame that you have allowed to unconsciously control your actions and reactions, that damage your relationships and attract the wrong type of people to you. The similarities are there, you have to work to get past your ego to see them. You have to contemplate your own issues by looking in the mirror to see them in the other person. The hurt they inflicted upon you came forth for a deeper reason than what you feel happened and why on the surface.
Once you begin to find the deeply rooted pain within, you can then begin to see it so clearly in the other person. Surprisingly, you begin to naturally forgive them because you actually become grateful that Spirit is using this situation to point out something you may not be aware is resident within you so you can begin the healing process.
Your job is not to fix the other person, hate them, blame them etc… even when they caused you so much pain. Practice forgiving them 7 x 70 so that you can find within yourself the true issues that you are continually reflecting back in your own mirrors.
You may be self-sabotaging the relationships that you so truly desire and want. You may be creating a zone around the walls and barriers that you are building up to protect your fractures and wounds from a broken heart and/or childhood trauma when in essence it is the relationship itself that is pointing out that there are issues you need to heal and resolve.
Hurt feelings are a part of L.I.F.E. They are part of the business of being in a relationship and cannot be avoided. They will happen as you begin to uncover deeply rooted pain and boundaries are overstepped.
Feelings are there so that they can point you in the right direction. It is a simple analogy, but made so difficult by your ego, which wants to deny that you have any issues that may need to be addressed or healed by blaming the other person for 100% of the failure and pain you are experiencing.
No one wants to continue to feel emotional pain, but no one wants to be the clean up crew for your pain either. You have to clean up your own emotional mess. You have to do the necessary work to look at what you fear and where you hurt and face it. You can discover these areas by looking deeply into the issues you experience in your relationship mirror.
Yes, the person hurt you deeply, but the question to ask is what is going on at a deeper level within you that is attracting these experiences to you? This takes great maturity to do, because the ego is so quick to simply blame the other person for the problems and move on harboring and burying the pain deep within. Sadly, by moving on without healing, you will find the same exact or similar experience playing out in the new relationship, which you will eventually sabotage as well, once the person gets too close because you are afraid you may touch this deeply rooted fracture where the pain you are harboring is buried. Some will subconsciously even elect to be alone and ward off potential loving relationships because they are in denial of their own pain.
Hurt feelings and suffering are not there to create a L.I.F.E. pattern. They are merely there to guide you into your own self-discovery and self-mastery process. Yes, he/she hurt you. Yes, you feel bad. Yes, you are angry with them. So now that you have that out in the open, what are you going to do about the pain you still harbor? Are you going to pack and store it away like a prized possession, or use it to unearth the deeply rooted issues that are sabotaging the joy you really want to experience in a relationship?
By practicing self-mastery and self-love you begin to let go of your pain through forgiveness. You resolve your resentment and release others setting yourself free. You are now free to explore the depth of your own pain to heal your own emotional fractures and wounds. You begin to charge your magnet with love instead of fear, attracting new relationships or elevating existing ones to a POWERful and Loving experience that mirrors your new higher energy vibration.
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