My personal story of my brother’s suicide and how we as a family got through it!
My baby brother committed suicide on May 21, 2012. It was 3 days before my birthday and the last thing I ever imagined happening in my own family. Spirit prepared me in a marvelous way through a counseling session with another person that sought me out for council regarding their own suicidal thoughts, as they were in the process of being rehearsed and researched to be put into action. My real father committed suicide in 1980 and thus, I was open to allow Spirit to flow through me, which for this person there was a miraculous healing and the L.I.F.E.™ experience they have moved forward into is fully abundant and flourishing. I had little clue that my own brother would succumb to his own suicidal thoughts only three weeks later.
I had spent some time with him around the third week of April in his home for about a week while he flew from game to game on a private jet with his best friend to watch the basketball playoffs, being the die-hard Laker fan he was. We were very close, and I always thought he felt comfortable enough to come to me with his issues, but not this time. He was always very happy, and had no resemblance of any issues as he went about doing so many good things for other people and being the happy L.I.F.E.™ of the party he always was. Needless to say, I was totally thrown back when I got the call that he was dead about 3:30 pm on a Monday afternoon on May 21, 2012 when my mom alerted the family that she, and his father, my step-dad, had just found him dead in his home.
My first thought was it certainly can’t be true, then I quickly shifted into a grievous worry for my parents as they personal had just found him dead. Of coarse I was pinching myself the whole time trying to assure myself that I was awake to the reality of the truth of what I was hearing.
Watching the coroner take his 360 lb. body out of his house in a body bag was so surreal. Even now it seems like a bad movie. However, at that moment in our grief, as a family, we found an amazing joy in the celebration of his continued L.I.F.E.™, even in the moment of realization that he had actually committed suicide. We watched the video he left us over and over again trying to find clues and answers to why, but he carried those thoughts with him in death. Suicide is cruel in leaving no real answers to why, leaving one to contemplate what they could have done to change this fate. The answer is nothing. We watched his body as it was loaded into the coroners van not wanting to say goodbye, but knowing it was inevitable to do so. It was an amazing moment because in that very moment of our shock and disbelief we realized that Spirit was embracing him as he elected to be born into a new experience.
When someone commits suicide, you will never know the details and asking the why questions will drive you crazy. As a family we elected not to torture ourselves with the asking why, but chose to see L.I.F.E.™ simply as a transition of forms. We chose not to look at the suicide and be judgmental or sorrowful regarding his decision to leave, nor to take blame because he never spoke to any of us about what drove him to the point he felt he needed to jump out of the body. We simply chose to be at peace in the knowing that Spirit is always moving in and through each and every experience of L.I.F.E.™ and that there is a cycle, which involves the process of death in order to birth new L.I.F.E.™ forth.
We chose to see all the transitions in our own lives, not just the final one we all focus so intently on as we leave the human body. Transitions like being born and leaving the womb to become a baby, no longer a fetus. We actually die to the experience of being a fetus. We can never go back to this stage again, nor any other we have transitioned through. We grow from a baby to a toddler, to a child, to a teen, to an adult, a senior and then we physically move on to the next expression of living in the final death we know here in this experience.
We have to shed the body that we are in to move into the next experience of living, and for those left behind this is very painful to accept. However, to the butterfly that has worked itself free of the chrysalis to live anew and fly, it has transitioned into a new form with a massive and beautifully colored wing span leaving its old body behind. The butterfly has totally transformed into a new creature. It does not even resemble the caterpillar it once was and it can never go back to that stage to share its new experience in a body that can now take flight. The caterpillar simply disappeared one day and returned in a new form. Only the body of the caterpillar is dead. However, the L.I.F.E.™ force of the caterpillar is still very much alive in the butterfly.
As we embark on the 1st anniversary of my brother’s L.I.F.E.™ transition, I begin the joyful reflection of my brother’s earth experience. He gave me the greatest gift in his death, his transition of L.I.F.E.™. He gave me the opportunity to celebrate his new BIRTHday into a new expression on my Earthday, which is a supreme reminder that I am here to LIVE ALL OF L.I.F.E.™, and to live it NOW and LIVE IT WELL.
His transition is a supreme reminder that in LIVING, I DIE DAILY, both mentally and physically. Our thoughts change, i.e. die, and our bodies are consistently renewing themselves with new cells as the old ones die. We die daily to new L.I.F.E.™.
As I DIE DAILY to my old ways of thinking, and vibrate new energy, I bring forth new L.I.F.E.™ in the form of productive thoughts that bring me into higher dynamics of living. I DIE DAILY to old attitudes, and relationships and people that do not serve me. I DIE DAILY to experiences that I have learned from as I welcome the lessons that they bring. In death, I find new L.I.F.E.™ daily.
Today, I do not reflect on my brother’s choice to stop his breathe by suicide. I do not reflect on the hows or whys around his death. I reflect on the wonderful gift of L.I.F.E.™, and the knowledge of its expansiveness that he has given me through his transition. Not the fear of death, but the embracing of death as the greatest part of LIVING, because through dying daily we become who we are right NOW in this VERY moment, both in the flesh or out of it. We are but Spirit constantly expressing ITself in ever evolving higher and higher levels of BEINGness.
To contemplate the true gift in death is an amazing journey of realization that brings us into greatest heights of awareness of L.I.F.E.™. Death is merely the transition we make into a ever changing evolution of living. We truly do DIE DAILY. We transition into a beautiful butterfly each and everyday in this physical presence growing constantly stronger to spread our wings so we can soar high above all that has held us back and kept us from living our dreams.
L.I.F.E.™ is forever transitioning. Spirit can never be born and can never ever die. Thus, there is but one way to move into ever expanding new expressions of living and that is through death. It is through death that we continue to grow and live. It is through dying daily and the acceptance of our loss that we allow our grief to teach us and heal us.
We allow death in all its wonderful forms, mentally, emotionally, and physically to bring us full circle into the true understanding that death is our evolving POWER as we grow into the awareness of the deeper lessons that teach us about the true ART of LIVING.
Happy BIRTHday lil “BIG” Brother… Happy BIRTHday to you and Happy Earthday to me. We have great things to continue to share as we both continue to move forward in this new relationship we share in the Spiritual Divine.
I love you!