The desire to prove you are strong enough to provide love and nurturing for others and have no needs for yourself has no balance. It is grossly tilted in the favor of those that you are providing care too. Without allowing the natural cycle of nurturing to come back to you, you enter a codependent cycle of care-giving becoming the victim or the martyr that is starved of your own needs. By continuing in this pattern of codependency to prove you are strong enough to carry the load for all involved you are engaging in self-defeating behavior that ends in tremendous suffering as your needs to be nurtured are not met.
We invest so much of our time in nurturing other people that we do not take time to allow ourselves to be nurtured. Many of us have deprived ourselves of nurturing and support for so long that we have suppressed our own needs for other people to be there for us. We put a wall in place and we leave it there to block or stop ourselves from getting what we want and need from other people. We enter relationships where our needs are not met because the people we’re involved with are not available for us or we deflect the nurturing our partners may be attempting to provide us to guard ourselves from being vulnerable for fear of being hurt.
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