9 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

9 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

Do you continue to do things that are no longer fun, ineffective or possibly dangerous? Do you put others’ needs before your own? Do you have negative thoughts and complaints?

If so, there are subtle patterns of sabotage, also known as The Nine Scoundrels, which negatively affect you and keep you from creating your ideal reality. What are these patterns?

1. Complacent Scoundrels stay in subpar situations, afraid that a new situation might be worse. This helps you stay committed to things, but it also keeps you stuck. Break out of it, by changing your perception, some aspect of the situation or move on.

2. Delayed Gratification Scoundrels look forward to future happiness. This impedes the fun in life, sometimes indefinitely. They look forward to five o’clock, Friday, losing five pounds or retirement. Instead, be happy with your life as it stands now.

3. Addicted to Misery Scoundrels see themselves as victims. They complain about bad weather, health problems, politics and the economy. Take action toward a positive change or stay silent. Break the blame and complain routine. Be responsible for your own happiness.

4. When life is good, Fear of Happiness Scoundrels await the certain tragedy that will arise at any moment. Release your fear. Find joy in daily activities. Nurture yourself with luxury in simple or extravagant ways. Splurge without guilt.

5. Martyr Scoundrels give up their free time, hobbies and special events to help others. Passive, they find it difficult to say no. Realize that the more you give yourself, the more you can give others. Shift your priorities and put yourself first.

6. Negative Thinking Scoundrels assume the worst and view life with skepticism. By avoiding negative chatter, this scoundrel disappears. Train the mind to obliterate negative statements and the words: I can’t. I don’t know. This is hard. Recognize your accomplishments. Stay positive.

7. Resentment, anger and shame fuel Stuck in the Past Scoundrels. These scoundrels are bound to past events. Cut these ties by healing and releasing the past. Do not take things personally. Move forward on a path focused in the present.

8. Moving from one task to the next without pause,Forward-Thinking Scoundrels live with urgency and impatience. Rid yourself of this scoundrel by slowing down and relaxing. Stop multi-tasking. Avoid racing through life, so goals can be accomplished with ease and efficiency.

9. Grass is Greener Scoundrels seek external happiness. Filled with envy, they look beyond their talents, possessions and status. Recognize the perfection in your life with gratitude. Release competition. Use jealousy as a tool for attaining what you really want.

Now that you are aware of these nine common patterns of sabotage, take necessary action to excel in all aspects of your life.

Reprint of original article by Deanna Reiter, MA

Business Tip – Use December as Your Secret Weapon

A lot of businesspeople treat December like the off-season. They’re tired — especially after a loooooooong and wearing year like 2009. They want to book as much business as they can before the year closes, sure, but in many cases they primarily want to stay warm, avoid trouble, and limp along toward a bit of time off with their families. Their motto could be, “We’ll hit it hard in the new year.”

Believe me when I tell you that I’m sympathetic to this view. I indulged myself in a real mental vacation around Thanksgiving. I had been traveling for work and juggling lots of tasks in the office (it’s not all ivory-tower thought leadership here at Hoover’s Galactic HQ) while keeping up with my family duties and a steady workout schedule. Spending a week out of the office, including a few days at my folks’ place, was a real breather for me.

But then reality set in: the work doesn’t stop. You know this, I know this, but it’s worth repeating — and in language that puts a fine point on it:

The needs of your customers and your business don’t stop.
Not for the holidays — not for anything.

If you ease up too much on your efforts in December, not only will you fail to serve your customers and your business, you’ll also lose precious momentum that you’ll need when 2010 rolls around.

And if all of that doesn’t give you motivation enough to keep grinding ahead, refer back to the sentence that started this post: “A lot of businesspeople treat December like the off-season.”

Some of those people may be your competitors. Just because they’re sleeping this month doesn’t mean you should. In fact, if they are sleeping, December is the perfect time to steal a march on them.

I’ll leave you with an analogy: the football great Jerry Rice was famous for his durability — he was catching touchdown passes when he was 40 — which arose from his intense off-season fitness regimen. That regimen started the very next day after his team finished its season. So if the 49ers won the Superbowl on Sunday . . . Rice was out on the training field, in the cold and wet of a San Francisco winter, by 7 a.m. on Monday.

That’s how Hall of Famers are built, in business as in anything else.

So, please, enjoy time with your family during the holiday season. Watch some TV, eat some good food, and vegetate enough to recharge your batteries. I know I will.

But use your secret weapon — your focus during December — as a way to elevate your game, for 2009, 2010, and beyond.

What do YOU do in December to build your business?

Reprint of article by Tim Walker – Hoovers.com

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

Many of us like to think the best of people.  We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions.  We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it.  Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation.  Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening.  Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.  The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something.  Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries.  The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy.  What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to.  If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic.  If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want.  Oye!  What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.”  Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most.  You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all.  What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously!  Okay, maybe not.  At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan.  Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one.  What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation.  Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

Reprint of article by Brett Blumenthal – Sheer Balance, on Wed Dec 2, 2009 9:40am PST

Independence Day Part 3 of 3 – Exercising Your Independence (Independence in a Relationship)

Exercising Your Independence in a Relationship

Relationships is a huge topic to review and I really do want to delve deeper and share more inspiration with you on the subject of relationships and I will do that as we move forward.  Here we will explore just a thought or two regarding intimate relationships as part of the Independence series.

I feel this small nugget of truth will help you to begin opening up so that your awareness will begin to blossom and you will find truth in your new journey toward successful and rewarding relationships that bring about a peace within and a peaceful and loving experience.

Note:  I am not specifically referring to relationships filled with control issues or co-dependency here.  That we will discuss in another blog.  But learning to be more independent even in those situations will help you to move out of low energy vibrations (depression).  (Please exercise wisdom, for relationships filled with control and co-dependency issues require much healing and growth on your part when exercising your independence to keep from inviting abuse in the front door.  Again, these topics are not reviewed in this blog article.)

In the beginning:

Before you entered into the dating game and found someone special there was only you.  You were independent of anyone’s ideas or ideologies, dreams and processes.  You were operating solely, making all your own decisions, going where you wanted, when you wanted, with who ever you wanted.  Spending your money how you wanted, living your life the way you wanted, eating the foods you love, listening to the music you loved and reading the books you loved, and even relaxing the way you always loved too.  Then it all changed. You found a special someone that you felt would add to your life.  Someone that would love to do all the things that you do.  Someone you thought thinks like you or sees things through your eyes.  In the beginning it didn’t seem to matter that they didn’t do all the same things you loved to do.  You just knew that the feelings for each other were stronger than all the other interest you had by yourself.  Besides, you can come up with things you love to do together, right?  Then it happened…  reality set in and the problems began.

A Testimony – A Letter to My Mentor – Dr. Robbie Gholson Smith

This letter was personally written to Dr. Robbie Gholson Smith, my wisest and most loving mentor. I call her Mom, because that is the nature of our relationship. It was an outpouring of my soul and I wanted to share it with you here. I wrote this to her as I moved through some very troubling times into a new realization of self and the yearning to re-established lost relationships that are very important to me.   So I typed my handwritten draft for you just before I sent it in the mail to her knowing she would not mind me sharing it with you.

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries. -Author Unknown *Painting "Mothers Love" by Kolongi

Mom,

I know it has been a long time, to long of a time since we spoke last.  I am sorry for putting so much space between us.  I have been processing through some things for awhile and it has taken sometime for me to get to a place of release.

The process of pain I’ve allowed myself to suffer through has taken so much away from me over the last 2 years.  It has also given me a deeper level of awareness of self and a real vigor for wanting to savor each and every moment of life.

I’ve suffered through almost 50 years (49 now) of my life. I contemplate now what a life of peace and joy and abundance would be like daily knowing I was Divinely crafted to live a life just as so.

The last two years I’ve been so afraid with pride that I really didn’t want anyone to know I had not been able to maintain the awareness of truth of who I am and that I allowed myself to sink into an even deeper pool of lack and limitation loosing everything I had built my life up to.

The last couple of months have shocked me into reality of where I am in my life; almost 50 years old still going through mental anguish.  Enough – The END!

Empowering Word of Truth – Trust

Trust defined

certainty, belief, faith. Trust, assurance, confidence imply a feeling of security.   Trust implies instinctive unquestioning belief in and reliance upon something.  Confidence implies conscious  trust because of good reasons, definite evidence, or past experience: to have confidence in the outcome of events. Assurance   implies absolute confidence and certainty: to feel an assurance of  victory.

Moving in a place of real peace so that you can achieve your dreams means that you must totally trust yourself.  It is the unquestioning belief and reliance upon one thing; YOU.  It is a knowing above all else that you were born with all the resources you need to achieve your purpose. It is a moving deeper into the belief that you were created to live the life you envision in the dream itself.

Trust is a huge element in our moving through this journey called life.  Let me lay out a few examples before we go deeper into self-thought about trust.

Perfume From The Essence Of Your Being

For centuries perfumers strive to create fragrances that extract the essence of everything from flowers to leather to formulate a perfume that moves the very souls of both the individual wearing it and weave a tapestry of memories for the one smelling it.

They say a fragrance can only be as powerful as the essence of the source the fragrant oil was extracted from.  However, My DNA Fragrance has formulated a perfumery process that adds the one missing element to your fragrance, You.

My DNA brings to life a new fragrance concept that captures your very essence in the bottle, giving you the opportunity to wear a perfume that is solely and uniquely you.

Your essence is the basic, real and invariable nature of who you are.  It’s the significant individual feature that makes you you and your DNA is the building block of that essence. The very fabric upon which you were created totally and uniquely individual.

How guys think? (reprint by Robert Grice)

I found this article while doing some research for my book.  I found it informative and thought I would share it with you here in my blog. These are not my words, they are the thoughts and writings of the author as I found it.  The article has not been changed or edited

-Dr. Diva

How guys think?

by Robert Grice

Some might ask if men ever think. Since I am a guy I cannot agree that men never think. But, men do have a tendency to think differently than women. One must proceed cautiously because we should not overlook that men and women can vary in the degree of stereotypical characteristics they possess.

However, the anecdotal assumption is that men tend to think in distinctive ways.

First, a man’s every thought is not about sex. Every second or third thought might be about sex but not every thought.

Second, the way men think often fits the social gender roles they are shaped to fill by parents, peers, etc. The traditional male mindset would typically share some mixture of the following characteristics:

Independence Day Part 1 of 3- Exercising Your Independence (Careers)

Exercising Your Independence to Live Free in your Career Path

Here in American we are celebrating Independence Day.  America’s birthday they say.  America exercised its Independence and created what we now refer to as the “greatest country on earth” because we have so much freedom and opportunity.

This Independence Day there is much to reflect on with all those that have died in the last few days.  From those in Iran during the elections, to some beloved celebrities including Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson, Ed McMahon, Billy Mays and Steve McNair. Someone said it’s not a good time to be a celebrity.  Truth is, many people have moved on to the next experience.  These people are merely getting the media attention because they are public figures. Still the lessons here is very empowering.  What does Independence Day have to do with these people? Everything!

Each of these celebrities moved mountains in their careers. They changed the world.  They were all huge in their own celebrity status, maybe not as iconic as Michael Jackson, but they did all achieve a very high level of success in their own life journey. Each of them chose to go against the status quo to achieve their dreams and become the person we came to love and admire.  They exercised their Independence by becoming independent thinkers.  They disciplined themselves to listen to their soul and move on their dreams to fulfill their desires.

Independence is about being able to move out of dependence and into a state of self-mastery to achieve the highest levels and degrees of success possible for your life.

Your dream may not be to be a global icon like Michael Jackson or a football great like Steve McNair or even the pin-up model that Farrah Fawcett was.  Your dream may be simply to achieve a higher standard of living in your chosen career field and you can.

Independence Day Part 2 of 3 – Exercising Your Independence (Independent Thinking)

Celebrating Independent Thinking

Saying Happy Independence Day or Happy 4th of July brought about much contemplation for me.  Falling on the heels of the global outpouring of love and controversy over Michael Jackson’s death made the thought process even more complex while I reflected on what does Independence Day really mean to me.

Truth is; do Americans really celebrate the Independence of our country or are they celebrating another holiday filled with BBQ, friends and family because that is what we have been programmed to do?  Are we simply celebrating the commercialism of it all?

July 4th is about the Independence of a group of free thinkers that broke away and formed what we now enjoy as a country filled with freedom and opportunity. The big question here is are we really free?  I mean truly free, free in mind?

Look at how we are programmed to go out and buy food, chips and fireworks for this one day.  Who decided that this is the way we are suppose to celebrate Independence Day?  Is everyone in the U.S. making BBQ today?  Don’t get me wrong, I love BBQ too.  But who decided what foods we eat on what days?  I mean have you ever thought about it?  Why do we have to wait until Thanksgiving to have Turkey?  Who decided that?