Why New Year’s Resolutions Never Work – 5 Steps to a NEW Solution to LIVE YOUR POWER This Year!

Why New Year’s Resolutions Never Work

5 Steps to a NEW Solution to LIVE YOUR POWER This Year!

As I reflect on the year past, I find that the struggles and sacrifices of the year have brought me great rewards. They built character, stamina and faith in the process of my growth. Growing is the reward of staying the coarse of your dreams. It is the reward endurance brings as we grow through our pains, hurts, mis-haps, disappointments and mis-understandings. It is the greater reward of staying the coarse to succeed in the manifestation of your greatest dreams, hopes and desires because we eventually grow past the negative thought processes that our disappointments build and come to understand that thinking negatively only serves to cause more turmoil.

New Year’s is a time to celebrate the dawn of a new year. But when the parties are over we find the issues from last year and the year(s) before still awaiting a resolution. So we make yet another fragile attempt at yet another New Year’s resolution. Sadly this becomes another fading idea as we move into the year and settle back down into our habitual thoughts and activities. The problem is that without a viable solution we will continue to perpetuate the same experience(s) in the New Year that we had the year(s) before.

Unfortunately, resolutions never seem to keep us motivated past the first few weeks of the New Year because we have developed habits that have formed our lifestyles making it difficult to develop new patterns that will direct a new coarse for our lives. Resolutions are (re)solutions. They are suppose to be solutions that we recommit to. Generally the problem is there has never been a clear and concise solution originally committed to, so there is nothing to resolute.

Waiting until the New Year to make a (re)solution almost always ends with disappointment, adding another failed attempt to our stock pile of shattered dreams. We must clear our mental landscape of this stock pile that clutters our minds and hinders our energy while dampening our self-esteem. By having a clear solution to begin the new year you have already put the key in the lock to open the door to achieve your goals. It is the key to achieving new goals, manifesting your greatest dreams.

The New Year is an excellent time to begin a new count down to your successes. It is a time to refresh, take charge and give new birth to your dreams. It is a time to rejoice in your POWER, re-evaluate your goals and the direction your life is moving to make the adjustments necessary to accomplish your dreams. It is a time to reflect on the lessons learned throughout the past year(s) and analyze the reasons you sabotaged your dreams and goals.

Here are 5 Steps you can take to create a New Solution to Live Your Power this year.

Step 1 – Know What You are Suffering From?

You have control over every facet of your life. This includes the choice to not linger through any period of suffering longer than is necessary to learn the lesson so you can move forward. It’s like burning your finger, it’s very painful. It swells and blisters creating a sore that leaves a scar which reminds you of the pain you experienced.

The Signs of a Controlling Relationship

The Signs of a Controlling Relationship

Learning to discern between healthy and unhealthy relationships is not something that is covered in any class throughout high school or college, and by the time many of us are full swing into our most serious relationships, it can be almost impossible to determine where we stand on the scale of health without partner. The signs of a controlling relationship are often so subtle in the beginning that we don’t even realize what is happening until we feel trapped in it, afraid for ourselves and equally afraid for our partner.

Controlling relationships usually develop from fear. The controlling partner is afraid that he or she is going to lose the one they love while the one who is being controlled is afraid at first of hurting their partner, and then eventually, of their partner. Those who control are not necessarily “bad people,” they simply haven’t learned that they can be loved, how to love, and how a loving relationship can be healthy for both parties if there is a little trust involved.

An abusive use of power or control in any relationship can happen from either party. Gender is not necessarily a vital role in controlling relationships. Controlling men are easier to spot than controlling women, simply because society has taught us that an angry woman at home is somewhat typical. Deciphering between controlling and a partner who is feeling ignored or disrespected is part of understanding what makes a relationship controlling. If you have blown off your partner three nights out of the week, and your partner is starting to resent the fact that you would rather spend your time out with friends than at home together, you should expect resistance. If you have previously arranged for a few nights off with some friends and you return home to an angry partner, something might be wrong.

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Initially, the signs of a controlling relationship might resemble clingy behavior. For instance, when a partner starts whining because you came home fifteen minutes late from work, demanding to know why you’re late and not being able to accept that you stopped off at someone else’s office to catch up for a few minutes, you may be heading for trouble. When you meet resistance over seeing friends (especially if you haven’t seen them in a little while) or find that going to a support group meeting or other personal obligation means that you’ll return home to an argument, there is definitely trouble brewing.

We all like to be taken care of. It feels good to know that when we are stressed that our other half will step in for us, cover our backs, and make sure the details of life that perhaps we can’t handle at the moment are not being ignored. It can even feel good to find your clothes laid out for you because you have been putting in long hours at work and the fewer decisions you have to make, the better. These momentary thoughts of random kindness should not be confused with the controlling nature of being told you can’t wear something out of the house because it might attract too much attention or you can’t wear something to work because it makes you look particularly attractive. Some partners even go so far as to only allow certain foods into your lunch, into the house, and into your life. A healthy diet is admirable. Being told you can’t order something off the menu when you go out is a bit controlling.

There is a natural argument to be made regarding the desire to care for one’s partner. Of course, someone who is watching their cholesterol intake might need reminders that the potatoes aren’t the best choice, but controlling relationship usually start off with small issues such as these and grow into much larger issues.

If you’re not sure whether you are in a controlling relationship, ask yourself a few simple questions. When was the last time you were allowed to go out with friends without your partner? When was the last time you went out alone and it didn’t end up in a huge argument? Does your partner threaten to leave and imply that you don’t love them to prevent you from doing things that he or she doesn’t want you to do? Are there times when you feel as though you’ve been followed? Are your email accounts private or do they insist on having access to them? Do you give them a reason to doubt you, such as infidelity, the threat of infidelity, or frequenting clubs and other similar places without them? Do you try to make them jealous?

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If your behavior isn’t setting tone for jealousy, and jealousy reigns through the household, then there is a problem. When a partner becomes jealous without cause, or unreasonably clingy, they typically feel threatened by either a perceived or imagined possibility of infidelity. Sometimes a person is so caught off guard finding someone they love they simply are too afraid to let go of them, even for a moment. Regardless of the reasons, if there are any signs of a controlling relationship they should be dealt with immediately. Sometimes the controlling partner can learn to let go a bit, feel less threatened, and verbalize their concerns without threats or violence. Sometimes, that can’t be done while the relationship is still intact. If the controlling partner has no ability to recognize their own possessive behavior, there is little chance for reconciling the problem. If there is at least the ability to recognize that there is a problem, then usually with a little guidance and some couples counseling, the relationship can grow into a much healthier and stronger respectful love.

reprint from the Professor’s House

9 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

9 Common Patterns of Self-Sabotage

Do you continue to do things that are no longer fun, ineffective or possibly dangerous? Do you put others’ needs before your own? Do you have negative thoughts and complaints?

If so, there are subtle patterns of sabotage, also known as The Nine Scoundrels, which negatively affect you and keep you from creating your ideal reality. What are these patterns?

1. Complacent Scoundrels stay in subpar situations, afraid that a new situation might be worse. This helps you stay committed to things, but it also keeps you stuck. Break out of it, by changing your perception, some aspect of the situation or move on.

2. Delayed Gratification Scoundrels look forward to future happiness. This impedes the fun in life, sometimes indefinitely. They look forward to five o’clock, Friday, losing five pounds or retirement. Instead, be happy with your life as it stands now.

3. Addicted to Misery Scoundrels see themselves as victims. They complain about bad weather, health problems, politics and the economy. Take action toward a positive change or stay silent. Break the blame and complain routine. Be responsible for your own happiness.

4. When life is good, Fear of Happiness Scoundrels await the certain tragedy that will arise at any moment. Release your fear. Find joy in daily activities. Nurture yourself with luxury in simple or extravagant ways. Splurge without guilt.

5. Martyr Scoundrels give up their free time, hobbies and special events to help others. Passive, they find it difficult to say no. Realize that the more you give yourself, the more you can give others. Shift your priorities and put yourself first.

6. Negative Thinking Scoundrels assume the worst and view life with skepticism. By avoiding negative chatter, this scoundrel disappears. Train the mind to obliterate negative statements and the words: I can’t. I don’t know. This is hard. Recognize your accomplishments. Stay positive.

7. Resentment, anger and shame fuel Stuck in the Past Scoundrels. These scoundrels are bound to past events. Cut these ties by healing and releasing the past. Do not take things personally. Move forward on a path focused in the present.

8. Moving from one task to the next without pause,Forward-Thinking Scoundrels live with urgency and impatience. Rid yourself of this scoundrel by slowing down and relaxing. Stop multi-tasking. Avoid racing through life, so goals can be accomplished with ease and efficiency.

9. Grass is Greener Scoundrels seek external happiness. Filled with envy, they look beyond their talents, possessions and status. Recognize the perfection in your life with gratitude. Release competition. Use jealousy as a tool for attaining what you really want.

Now that you are aware of these nine common patterns of sabotage, take necessary action to excel in all aspects of your life.

Reprint of original article by Deanna Reiter, MA

Business Tip – Use December as Your Secret Weapon

A lot of businesspeople treat December like the off-season. They’re tired — especially after a loooooooong and wearing year like 2009. They want to book as much business as they can before the year closes, sure, but in many cases they primarily want to stay warm, avoid trouble, and limp along toward a bit of time off with their families. Their motto could be, “We’ll hit it hard in the new year.”

Believe me when I tell you that I’m sympathetic to this view. I indulged myself in a real mental vacation around Thanksgiving. I had been traveling for work and juggling lots of tasks in the office (it’s not all ivory-tower thought leadership here at Hoover’s Galactic HQ) while keeping up with my family duties and a steady workout schedule. Spending a week out of the office, including a few days at my folks’ place, was a real breather for me.

But then reality set in: the work doesn’t stop. You know this, I know this, but it’s worth repeating — and in language that puts a fine point on it:

The needs of your customers and your business don’t stop.
Not for the holidays — not for anything.

If you ease up too much on your efforts in December, not only will you fail to serve your customers and your business, you’ll also lose precious momentum that you’ll need when 2010 rolls around.

And if all of that doesn’t give you motivation enough to keep grinding ahead, refer back to the sentence that started this post: “A lot of businesspeople treat December like the off-season.”

Some of those people may be your competitors. Just because they’re sleeping this month doesn’t mean you should. In fact, if they are sleeping, December is the perfect time to steal a march on them.

I’ll leave you with an analogy: the football great Jerry Rice was famous for his durability — he was catching touchdown passes when he was 40 — which arose from his intense off-season fitness regimen. That regimen started the very next day after his team finished its season. So if the 49ers won the Superbowl on Sunday . . . Rice was out on the training field, in the cold and wet of a San Francisco winter, by 7 a.m. on Monday.

That’s how Hall of Famers are built, in business as in anything else.

So, please, enjoy time with your family during the holiday season. Watch some TV, eat some good food, and vegetate enough to recharge your batteries. I know I will.

But use your secret weapon — your focus during December — as a way to elevate your game, for 2009, 2010, and beyond.

What do YOU do in December to build your business?

Reprint of article by Tim Walker – Hoovers.com

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

5 Behaviors of Manipulative People

Many of us like to think the best of people.  We like to think that they shoot straight and are forthright in their intentions.  We also like to believe that they will ask for what they want and not resort to crazy tactics to get it.  Unfortunately, however, there are times when we come across those who will do whatever it takes to get what they want…including manipulation.  Being manipulated never feels good, but the worst part of manipulation is that often, we don’t even realize that it is happening.  Here are a few ways to know if someone is trying to manipulate you:

1. Buttering You Up: To get their way, manipulators will often make you feel good so that they can then ask you to do something that they want.  The person may first compliment you or tell you what a wonderful job you did on something.  Making you feel good will, in their mind, make it difficult for you to say no…after all, you wouldn’t want to disappoint them or give them reason to think you didn’t deserve the compliment in the first place. What you can do: Return the compliments and the niceties before saying no.
2. Guilt: This doesn’t only pertain to Catholics and Jewish Mothers; guilt trips have been a successful manipulation tactic for centuries.  The saddest part of this strategy is that the victims of this tactic succumb to the manipulators’ demands because they feel they HAVE to, not because they WANT to.  In personal relationships, this sets up a co-dependency that is extremely unhealthy.  What you can do: Ask the individual if they want you to do something because you have to or because you want to.  If they say they want you to want to do it, tell them that you don’t and that they are trying to force you into something you don’t feel comfortable with.
3. Broken Record: Probably the most obvious of formats is the broken record tactic.  If a person asks you enough or pushes their agenda enough…constantly repeating the question or request over and over again…in slightly different ways, the victim will inevitably give in and give them what they want.  Oye!  What you can do: Ask the individual what they don’t understand about the word “no.”  Tell them that asking you over and over again isn’t going to change anything and that they are inappropriately over-stepping boundaries.
4. Selective Memory: This one gets me the most.  You swear you have a conversation about a plan and everyone is on the same page, and then one day, the manipulator pretends to remember the conversation completely differently, if at all.  What you can do: Record your conversations…seriously!  Okay, maybe not.  At least have a witness that you can count on to back you up if the person pulls this shenanigan.  Call them out on the fact that they conveniently change the game to fit their needs.
5. Bullying: If a person doesn’t get their way, they make you out to look or feel like the bad guy…like you are the wrong one.  What you can do: Be firm and tell them that their bullying tactics are inappropriate and unacceptable.

Keep your eyes open for these behaviors and continue to stand your ground to ensure that you aren’t a victim of manipulation.  Have you seen any other types of manipulative behavior?

Reprint of article by Brett Blumenthal – Sheer Balance, on Wed Dec 2, 2009 9:40am PST

Independence Day Part 3 of 3 – Exercising Your Independence (Independence in a Relationship)

Exercising Your Independence in a Relationship

Relationships is a huge topic to review and I really do want to delve deeper and share more inspiration with you on the subject of relationships and I will do that as we move forward.  Here we will explore just a thought or two regarding intimate relationships as part of the Independence series.

I feel this small nugget of truth will help you to begin opening up so that your awareness will begin to blossom and you will find truth in your new journey toward successful and rewarding relationships that bring about a peace within and a peaceful and loving experience.

Note:  I am not specifically referring to relationships filled with control issues or co-dependency here.  That we will discuss in another blog.  But learning to be more independent even in those situations will help you to move out of low energy vibrations (depression).  (Please exercise wisdom, for relationships filled with control and co-dependency issues require much healing and growth on your part when exercising your independence to keep from inviting abuse in the front door.  Again, these topics are not reviewed in this blog article.)

In the beginning:

Before you entered into the dating game and found someone special there was only you.  You were independent of anyone’s ideas or ideologies, dreams and processes.  You were operating solely, making all your own decisions, going where you wanted, when you wanted, with who ever you wanted.  Spending your money how you wanted, living your life the way you wanted, eating the foods you love, listening to the music you loved and reading the books you loved, and even relaxing the way you always loved too.  Then it all changed. You found a special someone that you felt would add to your life.  Someone that would love to do all the things that you do.  Someone you thought thinks like you or sees things through your eyes.  In the beginning it didn’t seem to matter that they didn’t do all the same things you loved to do.  You just knew that the feelings for each other were stronger than all the other interest you had by yourself.  Besides, you can come up with things you love to do together, right?  Then it happened…  reality set in and the problems began.

A Testimony – A Letter to My Mentor – Dr. Robbie Gholson Smith

This letter was personally written to Dr. Robbie Gholson Smith, my wisest and most loving mentor. I call her Mom, because that is the nature of our relationship. It was an outpouring of my soul and I wanted to share it with you here. I wrote this to her as I moved through some very troubling times into a new realization of self and the yearning to re-established lost relationships that are very important to me.   So I typed my handwritten draft for you just before I sent it in the mail to her knowing she would not mind me sharing it with you.

Mother love is the fuel that enables a normal human being to do the impossible. Mother is the bank where we deposit all our hurts and worries. -Author Unknown *Painting "Mothers Love" by Kolongi

Mom,

I know it has been a long time, to long of a time since we spoke last.  I am sorry for putting so much space between us.  I have been processing through some things for awhile and it has taken sometime for me to get to a place of release.

The process of pain I’ve allowed myself to suffer through has taken so much away from me over the last 2 years.  It has also given me a deeper level of awareness of self and a real vigor for wanting to savor each and every moment of life.

I’ve suffered through almost 50 years (49 now) of my life. I contemplate now what a life of peace and joy and abundance would be like daily knowing I was Divinely crafted to live a life just as so.

The last two years I’ve been so afraid with pride that I really didn’t want anyone to know I had not been able to maintain the awareness of truth of who I am and that I allowed myself to sink into an even deeper pool of lack and limitation loosing everything I had built my life up to.

The last couple of months have shocked me into reality of where I am in my life; almost 50 years old still going through mental anguish.  Enough – The END!

Empowering Word of Truth – Trust

Trust defined

certainty, belief, faith. Trust, assurance, confidence imply a feeling of security.   Trust implies instinctive unquestioning belief in and reliance upon something.  Confidence implies conscious  trust because of good reasons, definite evidence, or past experience: to have confidence in the outcome of events. Assurance   implies absolute confidence and certainty: to feel an assurance of  victory.

Moving in a place of real peace so that you can achieve your dreams means that you must totally trust yourself.  It is the unquestioning belief and reliance upon one thing; YOU.  It is a knowing above all else that you were born with all the resources you need to achieve your purpose. It is a moving deeper into the belief that you were created to live the life you envision in the dream itself.

Trust is a huge element in our moving through this journey called life.  Let me lay out a few examples before we go deeper into self-thought about trust.

Perfume From The Essence Of Your Being

For centuries perfumers strive to create fragrances that extract the essence of everything from flowers to leather to formulate a perfume that moves the very souls of both the individual wearing it and weave a tapestry of memories for the one smelling it.

They say a fragrance can only be as powerful as the essence of the source the fragrant oil was extracted from.  However, My DNA Fragrance has formulated a perfumery process that adds the one missing element to your fragrance, You.

My DNA brings to life a new fragrance concept that captures your very essence in the bottle, giving you the opportunity to wear a perfume that is solely and uniquely you.

Your essence is the basic, real and invariable nature of who you are.  It’s the significant individual feature that makes you you and your DNA is the building block of that essence. The very fabric upon which you were created totally and uniquely individual.

How guys think? (reprint by Robert Grice)

I found this article while doing some research for my book.  I found it informative and thought I would share it with you here in my blog. These are not my words, they are the thoughts and writings of the author as I found it.  The article has not been changed or edited

-Dr. Diva

How guys think?

by Robert Grice

Some might ask if men ever think. Since I am a guy I cannot agree that men never think. But, men do have a tendency to think differently than women. One must proceed cautiously because we should not overlook that men and women can vary in the degree of stereotypical characteristics they possess.

However, the anecdotal assumption is that men tend to think in distinctive ways.

First, a man’s every thought is not about sex. Every second or third thought might be about sex but not every thought.

Second, the way men think often fits the social gender roles they are shaped to fill by parents, peers, etc. The traditional male mindset would typically share some mixture of the following characteristics: